Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Actual thoughts during a work meeting 5/17/2011

Holy shit, this is going to be two hours long?

Would this pen actually make it all the way to my jugular?

Is hand sanitizer flammable? I could use it like napalm!

Holy shit, how many scabs can one person have on their head?

Dude, showers. Not optional.

There is not one single boob in this room.

God I love boobs.

I wonder if that toupee is glued on or stapled.

God I love boobs.

Kill me.

I can smell his breath all the way across this table.

If I were to go on a killing spree, what order should I take these assholes out so they don't stop me?

Boobs.

That shirt is way too shiny.

I wonder if he's asleep or dead. I hope for his sake he's dead.

I wish I were dead.

16. 16 fucking scabs on one bald head. Nasty.

Boobs.

What is this meeting about anyways? Maybe I should be listening. Meh. Fuck it.

Boobs.

Oooo. Missed one. 17.

Fucking engineers.

This guy on the speakerphone sounds like the bad guy on Inglorious Basterds. Fucking nazis.

No signal. No twitter. Fuck.

Yup. Verified. 17 scabs.

Boobs.

What the FUCK am I going to do for the next hour and fifty-five minutes!?!

4 comments:

  1. there should be one hundred comments in here wow what verses what writing ...laughed all the way through all the way...lol great write man

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  2. HEAR YE! O HEAR YE!! You know, of course, 1-outta-1 croaks, so why don’t you follow us Home to Heaven Above? We’ll have a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy celebrating our resurrection for many eons; I’ll be your faithfull servant for however long you desire. Heaven totally kicks-ass, totally rrrocks-our-socks-off. God bless you. _thewarningsecondcoming.com_

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  3. I've been in those meetings but was the only woman in the room (and now I know what everyone was staring at).

    :)
    Alyssa.

    ReplyDelete